Thanksgiving 2011

I'm back! It has been some time since I have posted on here or anywhere for that matter. But God has been good to me and my family. This Thanksgiving our group was a bit smaller but we had more than enough to be thankful for. Each of the members in attendance spoke on what we were grateful for and where we had seen God move in our lives. Personally I can say that I am thankful for my family and the growth that I have seen in different members of my family, I am thankful for the personal relationship I have with God and how that has grown, I'm thankful for the friends He has placed in my life and finally I am thankful for the job that He has given me. With regard to the growth amongst my family, I know that my cousins and sister have definitely shown a stronger desire to please God and as a result they have prospered. Joshua 1:8 says This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. I have seen this come true in the lives of my family and its a true inspiration. We were all doing our prayer conference call and then fell off mid way thru the year due to school, and work, etc. But we have come back to it and there have been a number of praise reports as a result. With regard to my personal walk with God, God has turned over a "new leaf" so to speak. He has revealed another side of me as well as another side of Himself. I always thought that accepting Christ as my Savior and making him the Lord over my life was "enough." But without really knowing what that meant, I was simply living life way short of the full extent that God had for me. But this year, thru a number of books that I have begun to read (The Walk by Shaun Alexander, Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley and Not a Follower by Kyle Idleman just to name a few) I have been able to really sit down in my quite time and think about the way I have lived my life so far and what role have I allowed God to play in my daily walk. I have had a lot of bumps along the way because I have not exerted discipline in the area of my daily devotion time. This is something that I am still asking God to help me with. I need to make Him a priority not just in words but in actions. Had I not been led to develop this area in my Christian walk I would not have read any of these books and God could not have developed me in this area. So i am really thankful for this. With regard to my friendships, God has really placed some great people in my life, both in and outside of work. I have maintained some really great friendships with past coworkers and roommates and then gained some new ones thru this job where I am right now. Not all have been Christian but the ones that are Christian have been really special. Even though the food is now gone, the family has parted their separate ways and those of us available are now preparing for Lois's bday celebration, I want to stay in the spirit of thanksgiving. Church was amazing and it just stirred up a desire to worship God more. Bishop Ulmer had those that could speak other languages come up and pray and it was amazing. You could just hear and to some extent understand what each of the participant said. Granted I only speak English but I understand a little Spanish, the other langagues were frm Africa and somewhere in the South if not Haiti. But you could just feel the appreciation that people had for all that God had done in their life. It brought me to tears. My prayer is just that I won't always wait for the emotions in order to react but that I would thank God whenever I think of all that He has done. I pray you all had a great Thanksgiving Day whether with family or friends or by yourself.

"Go Jessica, its ya birthday!"

Today: July 1st, my dad comes up while I'm washing my face and tells me that he is aware that my birthday is coming up and although "you guys do things a little different cause you don't always have birthday parties" he just wanted to let me know that he is happy to have me as a daughter, and that he is proud of me.

So my birthday has now passed, but in order to properly commemorate the experience I'm posting the events here. So instead of just a great birthday day I had a great birthday month which I was able to extend until the first week in August. [I'm good like that!] Anywho. Friday July 2nd, Telane, lil Ryan, big Ryan, my mom, sister, Aunt Ros., Aunt Joyce, Aunt Grace, cousins Brian, Briana, Lois and I all went to the Hollywood Bowl. Its an annual tradition that I am very grateful for, because no matter the type of music or the size of the group, the core members have always been the same and we get to share my favorite activity of watching fireworks. This year (unlike last year) the group did not consist of a bunch of couples (slight disappointment) but the one couple that remained (Lois and big Ryan) are a great, Godly team and I'm truly happy for the both of them. Our group had a great time we watched fire works, Drea and I had a drink, and I got Happy Birthday sung to me by most of the section that we were seated in. It was a great night.

July 3rd-4th was spent in Catalina Island with my mom and Drea. We took a boat out round 10 am on Saturday and arrived around 12 in Catalina, the weather was a little cooler than we were expecting but still nice. While on the island, we took in a tour of the city, a tour of "Lover's Cove" and one other feeding spot for fish, a walk down the "Strip" and checked out a few local restaurants. On the 4th, we woke up to a cool, drizzle. We had to pack our things cause we were leaving the island early that day. The residence of the island had a parade that day. Different people decorated their golf carts (by the way, its a 5-10 year wait to bring a car over from the mainland). I have a few pictures on my camera but I haven't' downloaded them yet. The USC marching band was their, apparently a lot of the residence are people that either went to USC or have some affinity towards the school. Either way, the band played its heart out and we got in one more tour of the city on a bus. It was beautiful, we were able to see a zip line that was set up. Gorgeous picture (to be posted later). We left Catalina round 4pm and got into Long Beach about an hour later. My mom, sis and I were going to spend the night and check out the fireworks. We got a little turned around but made it to the hotel where we were supposed to stay, after switching clothes we went to check out the fire works show. We could see it off the bridge close to the downtown area. After the fireworks, we walked to downtown LB, grabbed food then went back to the hotel to watch some tv and go to sleep. My dad got us the next morning and that was the end of the part one of my bday celebration.

Part 2-
July 6- we had a party at work (cake, wine, and cheese). The celebration was for Naureen and I, since we both had July birthday's and she (unselfishly) skipped celebrating her's the week earlier. July 16th- is Ghia's birthday, so we celebrated that weekend, by going to Kress with Loi, Ryan, Mo, Dominic and Drea. It was kinda weak (for the type of club nights that G and I had) but it was cool to be ouut with our folks together. July 30th, not sure where I went (its been a while now) but I know I went out with my sis.

What I've learned since my birthday, is that I have a great family and some really good friends that I don't mind celebrating with. I love my life and I am thankful for the time that I am able to spend with them.

Bumps in the road....

Happy New Years! It's now January 3, 2010, I and my family made it through the holiday season. For Christmas we went to Las Vegas, had a great time overall. My dad drove both ways and my mom paid for our place to stay and the car rental. We each had to pay for our individual meals and any shopping that we did. All in all it was a really good weekend. We left Auntie Grace's place on Friday night and then headed straight out to Vegas and came back on Sunday. The most amazing thing happened. Saturday night we were all going to walk the strip, since none of us but Drea had been on the strip we decided to just walk up and down just to see the sites. So at one point my dad got mad cause my mom kept asking him where he wanted to go. This goes on for about 20 min then my dad gets mad and decides he wants to go back to the hotel. We hadn't eaten or anything so it was kind of a damper on the evening cause the point was for all of us to hang out together. After we all get back to the hotel Drea and I kinda got into it but then squashed it and went with my mom to eat but then I continued to have an attitude cause I had wanted to just go out unsupervised, I guess, but that didn't happen. The amazing part comes the next day, my dad is driving back home and he pulls off the road and stops the car and apologizes to my mom and us for disrupting the evening the night before. And then he treats us to lunch. This is why I know that I need a Christian man in my life. I know that life, and our relationship wont be perfect but I believe that if we are both submitted to God then we are more likely to have a better relationship and apologize when we are in the wrong or show appreciation towards each other. The second thing that my dad did was told my mom that he appreciated her and the effort that she made to get the family together and put on the trip and that he would like to do it again when we weren't so busy. My dad is not the first person to be so vocal and appreciative so this was big for all of us. Like I said the trip ended well and I am glad that I was able to go.

Unrelated: Rachael just asked me if I love her. I thought that was cute! It made me feel good to hear that and I am sure that she liked hearing it too she asked me like 40 times and then sent me on a guilt trip cause I didn't go over to her place today. I will see her next weekend.

Last but not least, Dante is dating again less than 4 days after we broke up he was already out and dating (something he said he wouldn't do). I happened upon the Rosscast where he mentioned it, (another thing he said he would not do- talk about our breakup on the air). Its so hurtful but I guess I needed to hear that he had moved on so that I could move on... Anyway, daddy surprised me again cause he heard me crying and called me and asked what was going on, then came up an prayed for me. It wasn't a quick prayer it was a heartfelt prayer. Then he hugged me and later came back upstairs to say that he was hurt and almost felt like crying because he didn't like seeing Drea and I hurt... I am learning to love this man and I (with God's help) will def. pick a better man the next time around, someone that is caring and prayerful (similar to this new side of my dad).

Thank God for positive male role models... a lot of men don't have that and most women don't ever get to experience it but I am truly blessed to have my dad in my life. God, Thank You for my dad and the love that he is showing this family. It came right on time. Please help me right now, I need you to comfort me, I know you will never leave me nor forsake me, and I thank you for showing me love in the way I needed it today. You are SO AWESOME!

December 10, 2009

I am going through some low points right now. And yet, on the other hand, I have seen God's hand at work to get me through some things that I would not have expected to even encounter. Dante and I are now completely over. He wants to limit conversation and not hang out and in his word "make new memories with me". It's tough to hear, but I did ask God to take him out of my life completely if he was not the right one for me. It's amazing how God will answer prayers even months after they have been asked. He knows why Dante was in my life and I will always remember the good times that we shared as well as the bad ones. So far I have learned that I really need to set boundaries for myself BEFORE getting into another relationship. I don't plan on getting into any relationships any time soon. I prayed that God would help take away some of those carnal thoughts that I am having so that I would be less likely to slip up. I need to ask God to help me in the areas of lying, drinking and holding things in. I know that for my next relationship those are things that really need to change. Otherwise I will have another recurrence

I just realized a few things, 1) I want to have my cake and eat it too. I would love to have a male in my life that is attracted to me, genuinely cares about me, can act out in an affectionate way but not get sexual with me. I don't think that is too much to ask... 2) Dante holds his friends in the same regard as most folks hold their family. Basically, his friends are his family, so their opinions matter n the way that most situations the opinion/acceptance from your family means. I have learned that I can truely rely on God to help get me out of situations that are contrary to what He wants me to do.

@ the end of the road...

2 years, and exactly one month Monday, December 1, 2009, Dante and I broke up. It was a tough decision, but I think it was something that had to be done. Now, 4 days later, I am still anxious and somewhat frustrated by the decision. Our break-up boiled down to the fact that he is still not saved, and that I am not a sexual person nor was I trying to remain in a relationship where I was constantly being tested in that area.

I know that I have a lot of growing up to do. I believe that God has a person out there for me, whether its Dante or someone else I don't know but I do know that this was not a good time for us to remain together. We are still in communication, definitely not AS MUCH as we were in when we were dating, but I'm hearing from all different sides that I should cut down even that amount because the more that we talk the more I leave that door open. And if we really aren't supposed to be together then I need to sever those ties and move on. But its hard because a large part of me just wants things to go back to the way they were before. Part of is it the time of year, its Christmas time and a great time to be all lovey dovey and romantic, but then another part of me just really liked being with him. I know that I gotta start letting my Spirit grow and stop lusting so much after the things of the flesh and the world. But that's why, with my brain/emotions on the fritz the way it is... I can't focus and begin that process.

I really need to ask God to calm me down. A part of what Bishop was speaking on the last couple of Sundays was simply resting in God. I was also listening to his message on hearing from God, then with my class on simplifying your life, one might think that I would have more insight by now. But I think I will take this next year to really take time to learn about me and figure out what God wants for me, I'm not really putting a one year time limit on it, but I know that it will be a while till I get into my next relationship, so that I don't make the same mistakes that I made in this past one.


12/14/09 Update: We are no longer talking AT ALL. I know I asked God to take [him] out of my life completly, but the way that it happeend was not something that I expected so its taken me by surprise. Its cool though, I am actually feeling better bout the situation.

What I've learned so far 111309

These last 3 months have been a real eye opener for me. It started back in June when Amanda left SR Family Law. I was starting to wonder what my purpose was for remaining at that job, I'd come to rely on her for my source of "daily word". I also knew that it was the grace and favor of God that was keeping me there but I wasn't really appreciating these blessings to the fullest. Amanda left, Nick was hired and by this time its July and they let London go. At this point, it is just me, Steve, Jer and the partners. I was under a lot of stress but excited that I had outlasted a lot of the folks that came and went. Even though I was now by myself in terms of Christian folks to rely on at work, and my automatic response should have been to rely even harder on God, I didn't change my patterns in terms of the amount of time that I gave God. As a result, I allowed fear to creep in when rumors concerning more layoffs were heard. At this point though I did begin making the confession that I would not be let go before it was time for me to go. But a few months went by and that faith in God's ability to keep me switched to a point where I gained a false sense of humility as I silently still relied on what I could do on my own.

Deep in side I knew that not giving God time, but yet expecting Him to to still cover me the same way was unfair. While saying that I was confident in God's ability to keep me at the job, I started making silly mistakes and getting careless with my work. The time came when I was finally let go. Since that time I have slowly learned to truly rely on God and His ability to provide for me. I have been unemployed since Sept. 30th. but I was givn a pretty generous "severance package" which covered tithes for the month of October, it also covered gas, food, rent for the month of October,my school loan, cell bill, and car insurance. Towards the middle of Oct. I was able to get money back from my auto insurance which covered November's tithes and offerings, misc. expenses, my school loan, cell, and car ins., and my credit card. It's now November 13th and I still have not recieved unemployment, but Greg called from my old job and offered me a temporary position, my suggestd rate of pay was $23 an hour for the time I will be there, but we'll see what God has in store for me. The time is flxible but I'm SO GRATEFUL that God has me covered and I have to do is just trust His plan and His Way!.

MY prayer now is that I would go in there on Monday and God would have his way. I'm sorry that Jimmy had to go as a result but I'm so thankful for this opportunity and God this time there is only You that I am relying on.

100 Ways To Simplify My Life Day 1

Monday, November 9, 2009

For the next 21 days I will be fasting from 6 am to 6 pm (during the week), and reading Joyce Meyer's book "100 Ways to Simplify Your Life". I will be using this book and Creflo Dollar's-21 Day Challenge in addition to the fast because I really need to start back hearing from God. During this time I will refrain from TV and limit my recreational talking unless it is job related. Even though I see God's hand in a lot of areas of my life, I know that there are more areas and more ways I can relinquish the control I have and really hear from God and let Him have control. Right now I am job hunting and not getting any good leads, I am also in the process of trying to apply for law school, and I need to hear from God in regard to what schools to apply to, and whether this is for sure the right path for me. I'll journal here and try and keep a record of what I hear.

JM-100 Ways: Step # 1- Do One Thing at a Time
In this step the main goal is to set your mind and energy to start and complete the one thing that you have to do at that particular moment. I know that I have a problem with over extending myself and then exercising discipline to complete tasks. On the other hand, I used to think that the more things I had going on, the better my life looked. In retrospect, my desire to impress others is what caused me to take on so many tasks. I liked doing most of the things I took on but I just needed to realize that not everything had to be crammed into one day, and that if I just approached all things in life simply then my focus would change. Joyce points out that "the ability to concentrate and stay focused can only come from discipline." So, my new verse to follow is going to be 2 Timothy 1:7 which says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." My prayer for this week is that I will learn to exercise self discipline and complete each task that I set out to finish. My example for completion is Jesus in this verse "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:6. Thought for the day "One key to simplicity is realizing that quality is far superior to quantity." JM My quality of life is weakened when I seek to fill it with so many tasks and try to divide my time and attention on a daily basis.

For today I will focus on setting an interview appointment with Macy's, applying to 3 jobs and thoroughly researching Southwestern law schools. I'll have an update tomorrow.