@ the end of the road...

2 years, and exactly one month Monday, December 1, 2009, Dante and I broke up. It was a tough decision, but I think it was something that had to be done. Now, 4 days later, I am still anxious and somewhat frustrated by the decision. Our break-up boiled down to the fact that he is still not saved, and that I am not a sexual person nor was I trying to remain in a relationship where I was constantly being tested in that area.

I know that I have a lot of growing up to do. I believe that God has a person out there for me, whether its Dante or someone else I don't know but I do know that this was not a good time for us to remain together. We are still in communication, definitely not AS MUCH as we were in when we were dating, but I'm hearing from all different sides that I should cut down even that amount because the more that we talk the more I leave that door open. And if we really aren't supposed to be together then I need to sever those ties and move on. But its hard because a large part of me just wants things to go back to the way they were before. Part of is it the time of year, its Christmas time and a great time to be all lovey dovey and romantic, but then another part of me just really liked being with him. I know that I gotta start letting my Spirit grow and stop lusting so much after the things of the flesh and the world. But that's why, with my brain/emotions on the fritz the way it is... I can't focus and begin that process.

I really need to ask God to calm me down. A part of what Bishop was speaking on the last couple of Sundays was simply resting in God. I was also listening to his message on hearing from God, then with my class on simplifying your life, one might think that I would have more insight by now. But I think I will take this next year to really take time to learn about me and figure out what God wants for me, I'm not really putting a one year time limit on it, but I know that it will be a while till I get into my next relationship, so that I don't make the same mistakes that I made in this past one.


12/14/09 Update: We are no longer talking AT ALL. I know I asked God to take [him] out of my life completly, but the way that it happeend was not something that I expected so its taken me by surprise. Its cool though, I am actually feeling better bout the situation.