2 years, and exactly one month Monday, December 1, 2009, Dante and I broke up. It was a tough decision, but I think it was something that had to be done. Now, 4 days later, I am still anxious and somewhat frustrated by the decision. Our break-up boiled down to the fact that he is still not saved, and that I am not a sexual person nor was I trying to remain in a relationship where I was constantly being tested in that area.
I know that I have a lot of growing up to do. I believe that God has a person out there for me, whether its Dante or someone else I don't know but I do know that this was not a good time for us to remain together. We are still in communication, definitely not AS MUCH as we were in when we were dating, but I'm hearing from all different sides that I should cut down even that amount because the more that we talk the more I leave that door open. And if we really aren't supposed to be together then I need to sever those ties and move on. But its hard because a large part of me just wants things to go back to the way they were before. Part of is it the time of year, its Christmas time and a great time to be all lovey dovey and romantic, but then another part of me just really liked being with him. I know that I gotta start letting my Spirit grow and stop lusting so much after the things of the flesh and the world. But that's why, with my brain/emotions on the fritz the way it is... I can't focus and begin that process.
I really need to ask God to calm me down. A part of what Bishop was speaking on the last couple of Sundays was simply resting in God. I was also listening to his message on hearing from God, then with my class on simplifying your life, one might think that I would have more insight by now. But I think I will take this next year to really take time to learn about me and figure out what God wants for me, I'm not really putting a one year time limit on it, but I know that it will be a while till I get into my next relationship, so that I don't make the same mistakes that I made in this past one.
12/14/09 Update: We are no longer talking AT ALL. I know I asked God to take [him] out of my life completly, but the way that it happeend was not something that I expected so its taken me by surprise. Its cool though, I am actually feeling better bout the situation.
This is the story of one woman and her day to day experience trying to walk the Christian walk.
What I've learned so far 111309
These last 3 months have been a real eye opener for me. It started back in June when Amanda left SR Family Law. I was starting to wonder what my purpose was for remaining at that job, I'd come to rely on her for my source of "daily word". I also knew that it was the grace and favor of God that was keeping me there but I wasn't really appreciating these blessings to the fullest. Amanda left, Nick was hired and by this time its July and they let London go. At this point, it is just me, Steve, Jer and the partners. I was under a lot of stress but excited that I had outlasted a lot of the folks that came and went. Even though I was now by myself in terms of Christian folks to rely on at work, and my automatic response should have been to rely even harder on God, I didn't change my patterns in terms of the amount of time that I gave God. As a result, I allowed fear to creep in when rumors concerning more layoffs were heard. At this point though I did begin making the confession that I would not be let go before it was time for me to go. But a few months went by and that faith in God's ability to keep me switched to a point where I gained a false sense of humility as I silently still relied on what I could do on my own.
Deep in side I knew that not giving God time, but yet expecting Him to to still cover me the same way was unfair. While saying that I was confident in God's ability to keep me at the job, I started making silly mistakes and getting careless with my work. The time came when I was finally let go. Since that time I have slowly learned to truly rely on God and His ability to provide for me. I have been unemployed since Sept. 30th. but I was givn a pretty generous "severance package" which covered tithes for the month of October, it also covered gas, food, rent for the month of October,my school loan, cell bill, and car insurance. Towards the middle of Oct. I was able to get money back from my auto insurance which covered November's tithes and offerings, misc. expenses, my school loan, cell, and car ins., and my credit card. It's now November 13th and I still have not recieved unemployment, but Greg called from my old job and offered me a temporary position, my suggestd rate of pay was $23 an hour for the time I will be there, but we'll see what God has in store for me. The time is flxible but I'm SO GRATEFUL that God has me covered and I have to do is just trust His plan and His Way!.
MY prayer now is that I would go in there on Monday and God would have his way. I'm sorry that Jimmy had to go as a result but I'm so thankful for this opportunity and God this time there is only You that I am relying on.
Deep in side I knew that not giving God time, but yet expecting Him to to still cover me the same way was unfair. While saying that I was confident in God's ability to keep me at the job, I started making silly mistakes and getting careless with my work. The time came when I was finally let go. Since that time I have slowly learned to truly rely on God and His ability to provide for me. I have been unemployed since Sept. 30th. but I was givn a pretty generous "severance package" which covered tithes for the month of October, it also covered gas, food, rent for the month of October,my school loan, cell bill, and car insurance. Towards the middle of Oct. I was able to get money back from my auto insurance which covered November's tithes and offerings, misc. expenses, my school loan, cell, and car ins., and my credit card. It's now November 13th and I still have not recieved unemployment, but Greg called from my old job and offered me a temporary position, my suggestd rate of pay was $23 an hour for the time I will be there, but we'll see what God has in store for me. The time is flxible but I'm SO GRATEFUL that God has me covered and I have to do is just trust His plan and His Way!.
MY prayer now is that I would go in there on Monday and God would have his way. I'm sorry that Jimmy had to go as a result but I'm so thankful for this opportunity and God this time there is only You that I am relying on.
100 Ways To Simplify My Life Day 1
Monday, November 9, 2009
For the next 21 days I will be fasting from 6 am to 6 pm (during the week), and reading Joyce Meyer's book "100 Ways to Simplify Your Life". I will be using this book and Creflo Dollar's-21 Day Challenge in addition to the fast because I really need to start back hearing from God. During this time I will refrain from TV and limit my recreational talking unless it is job related. Even though I see God's hand in a lot of areas of my life, I know that there are more areas and more ways I can relinquish the control I have and really hear from God and let Him have control. Right now I am job hunting and not getting any good leads, I am also in the process of trying to apply for law school, and I need to hear from God in regard to what schools to apply to, and whether this is for sure the right path for me. I'll journal here and try and keep a record of what I hear.
JM-100 Ways: Step # 1- Do One Thing at a Time
In this step the main goal is to set your mind and energy to start and complete the one thing that you have to do at that particular moment. I know that I have a problem with over extending myself and then exercising discipline to complete tasks. On the other hand, I used to think that the more things I had going on, the better my life looked. In retrospect, my desire to impress others is what caused me to take on so many tasks. I liked doing most of the things I took on but I just needed to realize that not everything had to be crammed into one day, and that if I just approached all things in life simply then my focus would change. Joyce points out that "the ability to concentrate and stay focused can only come from discipline." So, my new verse to follow is going to be 2 Timothy 1:7 which says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." My prayer for this week is that I will learn to exercise self discipline and complete each task that I set out to finish. My example for completion is Jesus in this verse "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:6. Thought for the day "One key to simplicity is realizing that quality is far superior to quantity." JM My quality of life is weakened when I seek to fill it with so many tasks and try to divide my time and attention on a daily basis.
For today I will focus on setting an interview appointment with Macy's, applying to 3 jobs and thoroughly researching Southwestern law schools. I'll have an update tomorrow.
For the next 21 days I will be fasting from 6 am to 6 pm (during the week), and reading Joyce Meyer's book "100 Ways to Simplify Your Life". I will be using this book and Creflo Dollar's-21 Day Challenge in addition to the fast because I really need to start back hearing from God. During this time I will refrain from TV and limit my recreational talking unless it is job related. Even though I see God's hand in a lot of areas of my life, I know that there are more areas and more ways I can relinquish the control I have and really hear from God and let Him have control. Right now I am job hunting and not getting any good leads, I am also in the process of trying to apply for law school, and I need to hear from God in regard to what schools to apply to, and whether this is for sure the right path for me. I'll journal here and try and keep a record of what I hear.
JM-100 Ways: Step # 1- Do One Thing at a Time
In this step the main goal is to set your mind and energy to start and complete the one thing that you have to do at that particular moment. I know that I have a problem with over extending myself and then exercising discipline to complete tasks. On the other hand, I used to think that the more things I had going on, the better my life looked. In retrospect, my desire to impress others is what caused me to take on so many tasks. I liked doing most of the things I took on but I just needed to realize that not everything had to be crammed into one day, and that if I just approached all things in life simply then my focus would change. Joyce points out that "the ability to concentrate and stay focused can only come from discipline." So, my new verse to follow is going to be 2 Timothy 1:7 which says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." My prayer for this week is that I will learn to exercise self discipline and complete each task that I set out to finish. My example for completion is Jesus in this verse "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:6. Thought for the day "One key to simplicity is realizing that quality is far superior to quantity." JM My quality of life is weakened when I seek to fill it with so many tasks and try to divide my time and attention on a daily basis.
For today I will focus on setting an interview appointment with Macy's, applying to 3 jobs and thoroughly researching Southwestern law schools. I'll have an update tomorrow.
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Joyce Meyer
What does it mean to "Wait for God"?
As a child, I would always hear Christian folks say they were "waiting on God" for things. It may have been an answer to a prayer or a word regarding their particular situation, but it was always something. As I got older, and started really making an effort to connect with God for myself, I began to realize that there were things that I would have to wait on God for. I didn't really have a great understanding of exactly what it meant to wait though. I know what it means in the natural to wait on someone but in most cases the timeline from when a request is made and when a response is received is a lot shorter between people than it is with God. Right now, I am asking God for guidance on my job situation, and to fix my heart in the event that my relationship status changes. I also need to have a pure heart, I'm still attached to drinking not always to the point of intoxication but I do not always stay within my limits and I need that spirit broken. I know that God answers in His time but I get anxious which is another thing I need to stop doing. I was talking to Demara a few days ago and asked him to summarize what waiting on God looked like for him. He told me about how he is waiting on God to send him a wife. In order to not get confused by all the women around him, he has taken himself off the dating scene. So that wait for him, looks like prayer, asking God's will, then removing himself from the negative situations that take take him away from God's will for his life. I like that mindset. I will do more research but so far waiting for me looks like asking God (in prayer) what is it I need to change and then looking in His word for responses. I have a tendency to act while I'm waiting though and I really need to ask God to break that spirit.
One other thing Demara told me was that he feels "preparation meeting opportunity= success". I like that too. =)
One other thing Demara told me was that he feels "preparation meeting opportunity= success". I like that too. =)
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